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“F*#k the Job” #76
I’m a couple of weeks into the new job at the most dysfunctional restaurant ever, and I’m really trying my best to stay positive. Every time the owner, who I must repeat looks like a mental institution escapee and sounds like a bear or perhaps wild boar, comes into the restaurant, he berates the managers, […]
“Take A Risk” #49
April 30, 2011
Before I begin, I would like to address the questions posed to me by Kim, the funny, wise, and compassionate writer from FAST APPROACHING MIDDLE AGE http://fastapproachingmiddleage.wordpress.com/. In response to my last post, she turned all of my interview questions on me. So here are the answers: -At 8 years old I was very shy. […]
“The Little Engine That Could” #44
April 6, 2011
Now that I’m living with my parents, I’m no longer just living for myself. I have my mother’s pride and reputation to think about. So when she volunteer’s my services to her neighbor who needs a babysitter, I try to step forth in the best light possible. I certainly could use the money, but I’ve […]
“Therapy” #37
March 18, 2011
To combat the stress of the craziness, both inner and outer, I’ve started doing Tai Chi in the backyard. Not real Tai Chi, because I’ve never taken a class, but my own version that I’ve made up. I recall Ralph Macchio in“The Karate Kid”- wax on, wax off – and the old geezers I used […]
“Dog & Dad Disappear” #33
March 11, 2011
When my mother and I come home from Waldbaum’s, where she was trying to use her expired coupon for hair color, we discover that both my father AND my dog are not home. I immediately get scared and nervous that my father has tried to sell Vito for money, while my mother is very worried […]
“I’m Too Sexy” #27
March 1, 2011
You wouldn’t think that being 40, unemployed, and forced to live with your nut-job parents would provide any opportunity to feel your innate sexiness… But let me tell you, I am learning a thing or two about how life works and the miraculous surprises around every corner if you are just willing to put down […]
“Food Stamps For Mallomars” #26
February 28, 2011
It was an ordinary night of thievery. Middle of the night panic soothed with the scrumptious taste of stolen Mallomars. I did, however, make one fatal mistake. I ate the last one. Not on my A-game, I’ve been messy, out of sorts. Not the kind of criminal George Clooney would pick for an Ocean’s Fourteen. So, […]
“P-A-R-T-A-Y” #25
February 26, 2011
So, I decide to do something good and invite Rob over for dinner. It’s the least I can do for him driving me around and being my faithful accomplice on the mission of embarrassing cell phone abusers. As we drive home, my phone rings. It’s my father who tells me that they just got home […]
“NYC – Play or Be Played” #22
February 21, 2011
It started like any ordinary day. Waking thoughts of failure, self-doubt, panic over money, fear of the future, fear of no men ever again, and another annoying text message from my New York friend, Denise. She’s always bragging about her nights out and meeting men. It never used to bother me, because I was there in […]
“VITO THE GUIDO” #19
February 16, 2011
Vito refuses to take off his gold chains. He says he feels naked without them. Vito could be considered what anthropologists of our day call a “metrosexual.” Sometimes Vito doesn’t even care about the opposite sex. He derives his self-esteem from looking good. He often quotes Billy Crystal, “To look good is to feel good. […]
January 25, 2012
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