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“VITO THE GUIDO” #19
Vito refuses to take off his gold chains. He says he feels naked without them. Vito could be considered what anthropologists of our day call a “metrosexual.” Sometimes Vito doesn’t even care about the opposite sex. He derives his self-esteem from looking good. He often quotes Billy Crystal, “To look good is to feel good. […]
“Vito Wants to Audition for ‘Jersey Shore’” #11
February 4, 2011
I would take him, but my Dad won’t let me have the car.
“A Shitty Situation” #10
February 4, 2011
My Dad says as I walk in the kitchen, “I’ve renamed your dog ‘The Ass Canon.’ What are you feeding him?” “I…” “–He farts like it’s going out of style. I don’t have many years left. I don’t want to live with them with a gas mask.” I’m thinking to myself, I get it. Dogs […]
“Still High” #7
February 2, 2011
This is what it looks like when you’re unemployed, living with your parents, and your dog gets high off your secondhand smoke.
“Vito Wants Out” #6
February 2, 2011
Vito has started growling at my father. I tell my Dad it’s because he’s not giving him any attention. But, deep down I worry that Vito (my Pit Bull) has a dark side. That he will snap and maul my Dad because he doesn’t like him. And that would really suck…for my father. So, I […]
“The Cookie Has Crumbled” #5
February 1, 2011
My father calls me in to the den. He wants to talk to me. “I think your dog is eating my Mallomars.” I am silent. #1 – I’m worried that he hates Vito so much. #2 – I’m the one who’s really eating the Mallomars. You see, I made a list of all the things […]
February 16, 2011
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